I finally clawed my way out of grading hell
characters who have never had families building found families are very important to me
characters who have never had friends forging their first friendships are very important to me
I don’t think people with BPD “make up problems” as much as they do see a single problem and their imagination expands off of that single problem until it turns into all of these fears which SEEM unfounded to the non-BPD but make perfect sense to someone with the disorder. Please don’t accuse someone with BPD of “making up problems.” It’s a silencing tactic, and even borderline breakdowns are triggered by something. We never do things for “no reason.” Are we melodramatic? Sure. But we don’t make up things to be upset about. We don’t pick fights. If we’re feeling upset, THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT.
The thing about borderline folks in relationships is we are constantly afraid you are lying to us. 1) We probably had to experience being lied to a lot before, probably a lot of it starting in childhood. 2) Professionals and published books everywhere make us out to be impossible to love. We read those books. We believe them. Then someone comes up and says they love us? Liars. 3) We live in an ableist society which is constantly abusing us and we never know if you’re a friend or a foe. 4) OUR BRAINS ARE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING AGAINST US. Constantly. All the time. I’m sitting here trying to eat a sandwich right now, and my brain is coming up with reasons why I shouldn’t do that. I’ve counted eleven reasons now. That’s my brain constantly. And if someone came up to me and said, “Just eat the damn sandwich, Mea,” I’d probably yell at them because I’d feel invalidated.
It’s hard to love someone and feel like they hate you, I know. BPD involves a lot of splitting (black and white thinking) and sometimes you may be in the Black. You’re the bad guy. And that hurts! Your pain is valid, and they’ll owe you an apology when it’s over. But I think it’s important for you to understand that whatever is happening, they are the ones with the mental illness and they are the ones who are dealing with it 24/7. Someone else’s borderline may hurt your feelings, but it abuses them on a constant basis. Empathize! Validate their feelings. Ask questions. Figure out what triggered the breakdown and do what you can to help. Remember that mentally ill people are victims, and while that doesn’t excuse them to victimize someone else, they are still victims and should be treated as such.
When I say ‘I’ve never seen Dirty Dancing, any Aflred Hitchcock movie, any Star Wars film, the Die Hard series, the Terminator movies, that dancing one Kevin Beacon is famous for, Top Gun, a James Bond movie, etc,’ you should see the look on people’s faces. Black people who have immersed themselves in dominant culture kinda give me a ‘really?’ look, but white people are simply flabbergasted. They’re confused, lost, sometimes offended. But then if I ask them ‘well, have you seen Coming To America, Crooklyn, Lean On Me, Raisin In The Sun, Do The Right Thing, School Daze, Harlem Nights, Women of Brewster Place, The Color Purple, etc,’ those same white people seem taken back that they would have been expected to see those films/play.
It’s like this entitlement to have your cultural phenomena known and appreciated when you clearly refuse to even acknowledge the contributions of others.
Not only do people of color tend to be intimately familiar with the cultural tastes of white people while having our cultural contributions ignored when not being appropriated, we’re expected to…and that’s where I have a problem.
This!!!! This…is so important. I am tired of White supremacy being the standard by which what aspects of popular culture are determined to be valuable or not. And truly sick of Black culture being simultaneously hyper-consumed for appropriation, but erased through devaluation.(via gradientlair)